Here is the thing that’s confusing me lately. So often I hear people tell me that they’re ready to make a change. Yet the change they want to make isn’t new at all. Its something they’ve done before that hasn’t worked for them, and now they want to “change” by returning to a tired old routine.
Wait, what? Am I alone in missing something here?
I see this so often with my clients. They want new results with their health and waist line. But they often want to find success doing a version of what hasn’t worked for them in the past. Like, “I really do best when counting calories”, or “I need to use pre-packaged meals.” And the funny thing is, I totally identify with this on some level.
Change, in my mind, can be a big blob of a scary monster.
Kind of a cross between the beasts in the children’s book, “Where the Wild Things Are” and those gratings that run over the subway that might collapse and swoop you in at any time. Change has the potential to be that stingray that attacks on a beautiful day at the beach.
Change is trading all your money for what’s behind door number 3. You might get a breathtakingly amazing all expense trip to Tahiti, but you could also be zonked with a wheelbarrow full of guinea pigs.
So I totally understand why, when faced with an opportunity to change your life, you might resort to something you know.
It provides comfort, even while being unsettling. You are altering your routine, but in a way where you know how it works as well as all the risks. There isn’t anything to learn. There are no new adaptions needed. It is change, without really changing at all.
Hmmm, but that’s not really what you wanted, is it?
You didn’t do all this changing for things to stay status quo. And doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, as we’ve all heard, is the definition of insanity. So do you really want to change or not?
Change should be that first time you jump off the high dive.
You take a big breath, you hold onto that trust inside yourself, you say a short prayer…
And you leap.
Even if something in your brain says you’re crazy. Even though you know you may end up with a belly flop GIF spreading across social media. You just do it. And seconds after you’ve leaped, you’re safe, but stronger for the challenge (and you mom loved your belly flop GIF anyway!)
The first step is to acknowledge the fear in change. It’s important to really look eye to eye with both your fear and your discomfort. Give what is holding you back a name. Be kind to it. Comfort it. Then put it in a helium balloon and set it free.
To my food coaching clients and potential clients.
I know it’s uncomfortable when you don’t know how to cook, don’t have time to cook, don’t like eating breakfast, don’t like being restricted, don’t want to be disciplined, don’t want to worry about sleep or toxins, don’t want to have to think, etc, etc, etc. But staying with your don’ts will restrict the potential for new can-dos.
The reality is, if you’re uncomfortable, you’re probably in the right place. Because, you can’t create a new you, without loosening the grip on the old you. But the good news is that, while you’re already fabulous and wonderful, you have the potential to be out of this world spectacular. And you don’t want to deny the world this awesomeness because that just wouldn’t be you.
So be honest with yourself. Are you being “safe” in your attempts to change?
If you keep returning to the same place in life, it’s time to try a whole new approach. But I promise to hold your hand. I promise to support you when you’re down. I promise to smile when you accomplish the seemingly impossible.
And…
I promise to laugh at your belly flop GIF…
Because that, my friend, is just funny.
Very interesting. I hadn’t considered before how often we try to change things by trying something we’ve already tried before. It may be scary, but getting out of our comfort zone to try something new makes sense.
It is sneaky isn’t it? And I’m sure we all have been guilty of this many times. So I figure, sometimes we just need a reminder.
Nobody likes to think that they are resistant to change even though most of us are to some extent. So part of this is that people have to convince themselves that they are actively changing and thus they reinterpret what they do as change no matter how much it isn’t. Your story reminds me of when I quit smoking. I quit about 20 times before it actually stuck and most of those times I did exactly the same thing. It did eventually work though.
I am so happy to hear you quit smoking Ken. That is such a difficult one. I’m pretty passionate about the need to help people stop smoking, so I’m so glad to hear that you succeeded!
I think we are all guilty of this to some extent. Maybe the thinking is somewhere along the lines of, “this works for so many people, so many I didn’t do it right, wasn’t committed enough” or something like that! I think for some of us, it can be exhausting trying to reach an old goal by having to learn some new way to get there!
You bring up a good point. So many people question why something that worked for their friend didn’t work for them. And of course, we are all different so the same thing shouldn’t work for everyone. People just get so hard on themselves for that one.
Life is constantly changing for all of us and it’s no use resisting it. Be flexible and adaptable and open to all possibilities.
As for trying the same thing again, Einstein put it very well when he said the “trying the same thing over and over again and hope for a different result is the definition of madness”.
Yes, I think it is good to remind yourself to be flexible. I think we all get set in our ways to some extent. What we did in the past is almost never the only option with anything we do in life.
Life IS change. Yesterday we might have been out for a healthy walk and today, we find ourselves stuck inside because of bad weather. This morning we felt on top of the world, this afternoon our world is crashing. Catarina said it: LIFE changes.
For most things, I’m a change leader. There are a few changes I resist, and when I do, I fight to both go with it or avoid it.
Being that the change itself wins, I’m more likely to more often, go with it. I still have my stubborn control side that fights some things.
Really like this what you said: “But staying with your don’ts will restrict the potential for new can-dos.” <= Brilliant.
I love how you call yourself a change leader Patricia. You and Caterina make a good point that life is change. You can resist change or go with it. But if you resist it, you should be aware that the results you get will be compromised.
And I think we all eventually see our stubborn side peek up. It is just part of being human. It is therefore important to have an attitude like yours to help keep moving forward.
I hear you!
Staying in your comfort zone does not bring change. There is a saying;
“You cannot do the same things and expect different results”.
With regards to staying healthy/losing weight – we all know what to do only some are not prepared to do it.
The interesting thing Phoenicia is that I think most people don’t actually know what they need to do to lose weight. Many people have learned from the media, or people trying to make a profit that they should just exercise more and eat less, which has never been proven an effective method for anything other than temporary, not permanent weight loss. When I work with clients, I try to help them change their strategy from starving the body to healing and balancing the body through detoxification, stress management and understanding what foods works with their unique body. I think for many people, this change seems scary because they have always felt like deprivation was the way to go, even if it didn’t ever work long term.
This is wonderful! I will definitely share it. Over the years, I had to develop systems to determine if an organizing and small business client was really ready for change to better their lives. I had to determine their commitment to the process of change as well. It wasn’t easy, but it helped me figure out which potential clients really want to change and which ones were toying with the idea. An example would be changing rates structure that started higher and reduced over time. By doing this, it helped me not waste my time and my clients. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Sabrina. I imagine you really do run into this with an organizing business. I think lots of us have fears about changing our organization in our homes, even if it isn’t working for us. I love your scaled rate system based on long term commitment. I’ve actually thought of doing a similar thing to focus on the people who are committed to the weight loss process.
Getting or working to get out of our comfort zone is something everyone has trouble with. Because we see or think something works for so many people we need to persist. It can be downright exhausting to continue to reach an old desired goal. However, by using a different technique may actually help us to get there. Something to ponder for sure.
I do think that it is easy when we see a friend be successful to assume that is the way to go. And it can be exhausting to struggle with something for years. Change is never easy, that is for sure. I’m sure the best way to go about change will be a subject with much discussion for years to come.
Yes, it is important to get out of our comfort zone to make meaningful changes. A big one for me was many years ago when I decided to learn to fly. The next big one was the day that I first soloed. Scary. Exhilerating. Wonderful. Small decisions can be like that too.
It’s important to get out of your comfort zone in all kinds of situations, not just in what we eat. We get into habits, that do feel comfortable, but it’s good to push away the boundaries sometimes.
Yes, habits do feel comfortable don’t they? And I think that is why it can be so difficult to change. And you are right, this is something that affects many aspects of our lives. It is surely not only about what we eat.
Great post. I think change in any form is scary. We as humans, like stability, and change represents chaos. But you cannot grow, without change. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you William. I’m sure you are right that it is in our nature to keep things status quo. And shaking things up is difficult, but worth it.
The only constant in life is change… how scary is that? I hadn’t consciously thought much about how we tend to go back to tired routines when seeking to make changes, and yet we do. This serves as a good reminder for the new future I am trying to carve out for myself.
I find that scary too Jeri. I think most of us at first resist change, even if we do eventually embrace it. And I love your point not going back to tired routines to carve out the future you want. That is true victory!
Certainly not a new problem and it’s probably one of – if not the – biggest sources of frustration for most coaches I know. People start out passionate about what they want to change but it doesn’t take long for the motivation to fade when reality hits home about how much work is involved. Just look at the fact that 80% of most New Year’s resolutions are forgotten by February! Personally I am a change maven – if things aren’t moving along as fast as I’d like them to I find a way to ramp things up. Mostly good, somethings not so much, but never boring. 🙂
Aaah, I love the expression “change maven”. And I imagine that you make a good point in that any type of coach spends their time helping people overcome their resistance to change. It isn’t always easy and you have to remind yourself that you did your best if people are to scared to leap out of their comfort zones.
Changes that are worth pursuing are always scary because if they weren’t then they likely would not be worth the pursuit. Over the years I have adapted many times and I think it is all about the mind set you put yourself in. If a change is viewed as an obstacle then it is likely more difficult than a change that is viewed as a challenge that can be beaten.
From the little I do know about you Tim, it seems that you are about as fearless when it comes to change as they come. But that is why you’ve been on as many adventures as you have. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that if we’re not at least a little scared, we’re probably not in the right place.
Change is an inevitable part of life and when you stop and think how often life changes – pre-school, school, advanced education or work, getting married or not, career changes, etc. it seems that we should be ready to accept whatever change comes our way. I don’t go out looking for change but I do adapt to change without too much of a struggle. So no, I don’t believe I am a change resister. Love these posts that make you think.
You made me think Lenie. I moved a lot as a child and went to lots of different schools. Change was so easy when I was really little. I just went with it. As I got to be about 8, 9 and 10, things got a little harder. Change is so easy before you get a chance to get set in your ways.
I’m glad you aren’t a change-resister. It is a great thing to be able to adapt to what comes your way.
I can totally relate to this. I was so annoyed last night over not being able to get a handle on my diet, that I consoled myself with a piece of red velvet cake. Old habits die hard!
I like your story Meredith as I think it is a story that lots of people can relate to, including myself. We learn food is comfort from such a young age, and it is easy to go back to that learned comfort when everything else is overwhelming.
Its truly interesting. I hadn’t considered before how often we try to change things by trying something we’ve already tried before. It may be scary, but getting out of our comfort zone to try something new makes sense.
Thanks
Glad you found this helpful! And yes, change can be scary but also so worth it.